Guilt is one of those emotions that can really mess with people’s heads, hearts and lives. The thing is that it is a part of us that we can can control and even stop doing if we so choose.
But the first question to ask is why do we have guilt in the first place? Some think it’s so that we don’t keep doing stupid things that inflict damage or pain on ourselves or others. Other’s believe that it is a completely useless emotion and is nothing more than a socially conditioned behavior to keep you feeling bad about yourself.
Perhaps both are true to some extent but here’s what I have learned from my own ‘guilt trips’ and how I now deal with it.
When I first started looking at what caused me to feel guilty and how that affected my mind, body and productivity I began to notice how much it was having a negative impact on all of them. From not being able to sleep at night from worry through to feeling like a piece of crap, there was no upside to it at all.
Overcoming Guilt Trips
First things first. The easiest way to get rid of guilt from your life is to not do stupid things. After all, it’s mostly when we say or do things that upsets others that guilt arises, so if you just stop doing that behavior then the guilt won’t happen.
But guilt can also come from having a case of the ‘should-have’s’. Meaning that you can feel guilty about something you ‘should-have’ done but forgot to do it, or just plain decided not to for whatever reason. Here’s the cure for that… just take responsibility for it!
Why beat yourself up for something that you decided to not do or couldn’t get to for whatever reason – that just doesn’t make any sense. Instead, just admit to yourself and whoever else you need to that you didn’t do it. Apologize for any inconvenience if necessary and then let it go.
If others decide to be a drama queen about ti then there’s not much you can do about that. Just leave them to stew in their own juices until they calm down and stop behaving like a spoiled child.
Guilt Belongs To The Past
See the past for what is is – everything that is behind you. Why waste your precious time on this planet by turning around and watching where you have been? The only reason anyone would choose to do this is if they are addicted to pain.
If that is the case, then at least be honest about it and acknowledge that the payoff you get is that you get to torture yourself internally and walk around feeling sorry for yourself most of the time. Nothing wrong with this behavior except that you won’t be much fun to hang out with and will probably get sick a lot.
If you know people like this you’ll know what I mean. By the way, underneath the pity party that people who hold onto guilt frequently experience, there is a volcano of repressed anger and rage simmering away. If this sounds crazy to you then just give anyone whose feeling guilty about themselves a small prod and watch them explode.
No-one wants to feel guilty really. It’s a man-made condition that is not a natural emotion like happiness, sadness and anger is. In a more enlightened world, if someone does something that upsets others, or they make a mistake, they just take full responsibility in the moment, make whatever change is needed and then move on.
Guilt Is A Powerful Tool For Manipulation
Anyone who tries to make you feel guilty or keep you stuck in that space is not your friend. That’s just their way of trying to keep control of you in some way, shape or form. If you doubt this, then the next time someone tries to make you feel guilty about something, tell them to mind their own business.
If they are truly a friend, then they’ll drop it and move on. If not, they’ll get angry that you’re not making them feel better and possibly even start attacking you to try and make you feel bad again. These people are toxic to your health, happiness and productivity.
Either they need to change the way they relate to you, or get rid of them from your life for good. Of course, always have compassion in your heart for them and leave the door open for them to be invited back in but the condition will be that they respect who you are and treat you as such.
Even parents will try to manipulate their children using the power of guilt. If that’s you – then stop it immediately and find a way to get what you want from them with calmness, kindness and choices.
If you use guilt to manipulate others, then this just tells you how weak you are at getting what you want. If you don’t like others trying to make you guilty, then don’t do it to other’s either. Guilt is a 2-way street and the moment one person decides to stop it, it can’t be sustained.
Lastly, guilt is not an emotion. It is a man-made concept. We don’t ‘feel’ guilty, we have thoughts about things that we have said or done that cause us to worry about the future. Worry belongs to fear, which is what is really going on. You give into your fear.
The Secret To Eliminating Guilt Forever
By simply taking full responsibility for every word you speak, decision you make and action you take you will eliminate the need for guilt in your life. In it’s place you will find a new power within you that no-one can ever take away from you again. This will free your mind to be used for more enjoyable pursuits.
You will have more energy, happiness, calmness and self esteem than you could ever have imagined possible and your effectiveness in the world, and in relationships will skyrocket to new heights of success.