Living Without Expectations

living without expectations

Don’t expect anything from anybody, and don’t fulfill other’s expectations of you.  Otherwise you will be imprisoned.

We all create expectations for ourselves. It is a basic human trait to project our desires and thoughts onto those we are closest to. We tend to expect significant people in our lives to behave in a manner envisioned in our mind. Expectations in relationships can be harmful when unspoken ideals are projected onto the other person.

Unspoken assumptions and unrealistic expectations commonly sabotage relationships. How many times have your feelings been hurt because you mistakenly assumed someone else knew what you thought or expected? Do you ever become annoyed or angry with someone who acted differently than you expected?

Have you found yourself saying:
“If you really loved me, you would…”
“Why didn‟t you…”
“You should…”

It doesn‟t matter what kind of relationship you are in. Each person‟s expectations plays a large part in determining the health of the relationship. Perceptions of a relationship change when there is a contrast between the ideal and the real. The partnership strengthens when one begins to see the relationship for what it really is.

Having unrealistic or unfulfilled expectations is a sure way to ruin a relationship. When an individual has a strong desire that their partner meet their impossible expectations they become blinded to who their partner really is. Even if the partner tries to meet the expectations, it will never be exactly what their partner wants.

This is because expectations in relationships are most often unattainable. We all have a preconceived notion of what we want in our ideal mate, and this is how expectations are conceived. When someone harbors unclear or unspoken expectations, then they are likely going to surface at some point.

Types of Expectations on Relationships

There are different types of relationships a person experiences in their life: parent/child, friendship, romantic, and business. Situations discussed in this chapter most directly involve persons in a romantic union, yet all these strategies apply to any type of relationship.

Different types of expectations can negatively affect our relationships. Expectations can be unrealistic, unclear, unfulfilled, unspoken, unexpressed, and misguided.

These unrealistic expectations can come from:

  • Our family values and traditions
  • Past relationships
  • Past experiences
  • Expecting the other person to provide our personal happiness or fulfillment
  • Projecting onto someone else how we want them to be.

Most importantly, problems in any relationship come from lack of communication and miscommunication.

Letting Go Of Unrealistic Expectations 

True happiness in relationships and in yourself happens when you let go of having unrealistic expectations of yourself or others.  Drop fulfilling other’s expectations, and drop expecting others to fulfil yours.  Nobody suffers because of others – remember that deeply.

Be true to your nature, be sincere in your inner nature and help others to be sincere in their inner nature. You are here top fulfill your destiny, and others are here to fulfill theirs.  Don’t expect anything from them or you will turn them into someone other than who they are.

Learning to accept yourself and others for who they are is the greatest gift of love that you can give. Nothing else even comes close. The moment that you drop the need to expects others to change or be who you want them to be, then you will have a real relationship based on trust and respect.

On the other side of the coin, with every new step you take, if you say ‘yes’ to the expectations of others you will fall back into a life of quiet desperation and misery. It just adds pressure for you to be someone your not and so in essence you are giving away your power to be happy to keep the peace with those around you.

It’s not worth selling your Soul to anyone because at the end of the day they will not thank you for it, or even be the tiniest bit grateful. Instead, the moment you stand up for yourself and decide to not meet their expectations of you, they will turn on your and blame you for their anger, frustration or disappointment.

The answer is to trust in your true nature deeply and live by the beat of your own drum. Let others live by the beat of their drums also and if they don’t happen to match or sound good together, then keep marching anyway as life’s too short to be anything other than happy and deeply fulfilled.