Most people at some time in their life have had feelings of loneliness arise due to not feeling connected to people and the world around them. I know that I have experienced it in the past and it was triggered at times when I moved to a new schools as a child, a relationship ended, or I felt invisible to everyone around me.
I have since come to make friends with not only loneliness but also with being alone, and loneliness. While these things may seem to be the same they are actually all quite different and once you get to understand what that difference is that’s when the penny drops, and things start to make a lot more sense.
I’ll speak more about that in a moment but for now, let’s have a look at loneliness and relationships.
Overcoming Loneliness In A Relationship
It’s amazing how sometimes we can be surrounded by people, even those that we love, yet we can still feel like we are the only one present. What is really says about us in those moments is that either someone is not available to connect with us, or we are closing ourselves off from being connected to, or both.
Ultimately it doesn’t really matter why we feel lonely, it’s more important that we ask ourselves the question, “what can I do to open my heart to make a connection with others again?” When we do this, then we put the responsibility back onto ourselves to go from feeling lonely, to being connected.
It’s true that we can’t make another person open their heart to connect with us if they don’t want to, as they may not be ready to let go of whatever judgments they are hanging onto. However, just by deciding to keep your heart open, be okay with your vulnerability and expressing it, and not closing off to others, this means that anyone you come in contact with can connect deeply with you.
Every human being has the basic need to feel connected to other human beings. This is really what the quest to love and be loved is all about – connection. For most people, when they don’t feel that connection with their partner, they don’t feel loved.
When you stay open to giving love even if every part of you is screaming that you don’t want to,then the door to connection and even intimacy is open. You have the power to do this because you are a powerful being that can take charge of their inner and outer world. It just takes practice at keeping your heart open-wide all-the-time.
How To Combat Loneliness
Some combat loneliness through drinking, eating, distracted themselves, watching TV, addictions and numerous other ways, most of which are an avoidance tactic. That’s not going to cure the fact that you feel sad or depressed that you don’t feel connected to others.
The simplest way to overcome loneliness is to get really comfortable at being with yourself. We don’t need others to feel whole – that is just an idea we have in our heads. The real issue is that if we are not comfortable in our own skin whether we are alone or with others, then that’s where our true suffering comes from.
By learning to love ourselves, especially when we are alone, it helps us to find a place a calm and inner peace that many people will never know. Learning to be happy when we are alone is not only healthy for us, it’s also serves us in relationships because then we are not dependent on anyone else to feel good about ourselves.
Loneliness is the judgment of what we are feeling in the moment. It’s probably more accurate to say that you feel frightened, sad, or empty on the inside, and that you don’t like these feelings so you’re looking to make a connection to someone or something to help you feel more at peace.
Just by changing the relationship you have in your mind about what loneliness is, you can instantly start giving yourself this peace anytime you like. Even something as simple as mindfulness meditation can help with this. Just 10 minutes a day of being non-judgmental with your thoughts and feelings will go a long way to heal your heart.
It’s always what you think about loneliness or about being alone that is the source of your discomfort with it. When you can connect with your heart and allow yourself to be okay with any feeling you have no matter how uncomfortable or scary it may be, then any fear of being by yourself will soon vanish.
The happiest and most balanced people I have ever met are the ones who are just as happy being by themselves as they are being with others. They know that loneliness is just a state of mind that can easily be changed by centering themselves and relaxing into the moment.
A moment of aloneness is just as peaceful as a moment of connection – it all depends on your focus. If we focus on being along as negative, or painful, then it is. Whereas if we focus on being alone as being okay, or joyous, then it is. Either way, we are the master of our own state of being.
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