There are 2 main barriers to getting what you want out of your personal or professional life. By understanding what they are and more importantly, what you can do to overcome them will give you the best chance at long-term and lasting success and fulfillment.
The Barrier of Ignorance
What this means is that we don’t know what to ask for. You can get so bogged down with ‘just getting by’ in life that you get out of touch with what your real needs and wants are. This often means that you put other people’s need before your own which also leaves you feeling empty or unfilled within.
You also forget how to ask for what you want, even if you do know what your wants and needs are. This generally happens because you were ignored, rejected, shamed or blamed as a child whenever you tried to express your wants and needs. This meant that it became too painful to even go there.
Men tend to keep their needs bottled in, while women expect others to know what they want. But most of all it’s the fear of rejection, punishment or ridicule that cause you to hold back and settle for second best in your life.
So how do you overcome this behavior? Simply by deciding to face your fears and ask for what you want anyway. Yes, you may still get rejected, ridiculed or even abused for daring to have your won wants and needs but the fact is that unless you ask, you’ll never know what could have been.
The other option is to keep letting others control your life and we all know how that turns out – it means a shit life for you. It’s far better to stand tall, dig deep into your inner courage, and declare to the world around you that you matter by asking for want you want and need, than it is to be a victim of circumstance.
The reality is that you may not always get what you want, but sometimes you will… and those are the times that matter. I have learned that I can almost always get what I want because for me whenever I find a barrier in my way I don’t give up until I find a way through, over, under, or around any obstacle.
The Barrier of Fear
As a result of negative, painful and shameful experiences during our childhood, we become afraid to participate, afraid to go after what we truly want and desire. We become afraid of rejection, looking foolish, losing face and benign vulnerable or hurt by others.
As a result of these fears, we settle for less than what we really want and sit in judgment of others who are getting what they want.
How do we overcome the barrier of fear? The same as the first one – face your fears and do it anyway. Whatever you are afraid of in life will always control your destiny until you decide to stop running away from them. No-one else can do it for you because if they do, you will still remain powerless.
Pick you smallest fear first (i.e. fear of rejection) and then consciously choose to walk towards it by putting yourself in the position to be rejected. Every time someone says ‘no’ to you simply remind yourself that it’s okay for them to say no as they are just saying ‘yes’ to themselves.
We tend to take rejection personally which is crazy because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with where the other person is at at that point in time. Regardless of what others say to you, if you say ‘yes’ to yourself and look for another way to get what you want, then you become a winner – all the time!
Do one thing each day to face your fears and in no time flat your life will become bigger, bolder and brighter than ever before.