Without a doubt one of the biggest time and energy killers is anger. The more time you spend indulging in it, the less time you have to live a happy, productive and enjoyable life.
A Double Edged Sword
There are two sides to anger. On one hand it can be the cause of tremendous pain and suffering. It can turn into hatred or violence in the blink of an eye and destroy everything we love and care about, or it can turn inward and become bitterness and despair. The later of course just eats us up from the inside until we break down or break apart.
The master key to understanding how to prevent your life from being like a roller coaster ride of emotional upheaval that anger inevitably brings is that when anyone is angry what they are really saying is, ‘I don’t feel loved and accepted’.
By remembering this simple fact the next time someone you know gets angry, you can turn it around for them instantly. All you have to do is help them to feel loved and accepted.
This might mean asking them questions to find out what’s upsetting them, or giving them space to vent their feelings, or even just listening to what they are saying and not giving an opinion unless it’s asked for.
7 Ways To Help Reduce Anger Now
Here are some of the most effective ways to help reduce anger fast and in many case before it even gets started.
1. Stop blaming others.
It’s not the governments fault that you don’t get paid enough; I t’s not your partners fault that you don’t feel loved and it’s certainly not anyone else’s fault that you don’t always get what you want.
2. Don’t accept sympathy.
If you get loads of sympathy or attention from others when you get angry, then tell them to stop doing it. As long as they keep feeding your behaviour with sympathy, you’ll continue to use anger as a way to get attention.
3. No more excuses.
Throwing a tantrum about the way things are won’t help you get any closer to what you really do want to have, be or do. Use the energy of your anger constructively by channeling it into consistent action that gets you results that matter.
4. Vent your anger with compassion.
Give yourself permission to let it out, safely. It’s far better to let your anger out, than to bottle it up. If you’re worried about what others might think, then go to a secluded beach or park and stamp your feet, or yell at the ocean. Nature won’t care if you get upset with it. If you don’t have the luxury of outdoor space, then scream into a pillow in your bedroom, with the door closed, or beat your pillow on the bed until you feel exhausted.
5. Do nothing with your anger for 24 hours.
If you’re angry because of what someone has said or done then try not to say anything to them for 24 hours. By then you both will have calmed down enough to talk about things calmly.
6. Realize you don’t have to get mad to take action.
Anger can be a very powerful motivator for taking action. The downside of this is that if you’re not angry, then you probably won’t do anything. Get into the habit of taking action without being angry and you will find that you won’t need to rely on it so much to do the things you need to do.
7. Be honest with yourself.
Pay attention to the warning signals your body sends you before it’s too late. When you feel angry recognize that it’s OK to let it go and relax. You don’t have to stay agitated, frustrated or on edge for hours or days.
If you want to enjoy a stress free and relaxed mind and body, then learn how to be more relaxed. It’s really hard to get angry and stay angry when your body is relaxed. The simplest way to do this is to slow down your breathing and remember to breathe slow and deep whenever you can. Especially if you are feeling emotional or uptight.