Unless you live in a cave or just plain don’t like to hang out with other people it’s safe to say that relating to others will play a big role in your life.
More importantly, I want to discuss your intimate relationships and how you can transform any relationship into a fun, happy, exciting and adventure filled journey no matter whether you have just met, have yet to meet someone, or you have been together for years.
Relationships Aren’t Meant To Be Hard Work.
Think about it for the moment. If you’re in a relationship that is like a constant battlefield and neither of you are happy, what is that telling you? Most likely that you’re with the wrong person. If it just seems like too much hard work and neither of you are willing to be the bigger person, then it’s probably time to move on.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you won’t attract another person into your life that’s hard work. Quite the contrary, unless you get the lesson they were sent to teach you, you’ll more than likely attract the same person in a different package.
But, you can stop this cycle dead in it’s tracks… And, you actually will never need to end any relationship if you follow these simple guidelines to happy relationships that I’m about to share.
You Can Only Heal The Past In The Present.
A long time ago I did a lot of work on my ‘inner child’. This may not mean anything to you right now but trust me I haven’t met a human being yet that could not do with a better connection with their inner child. The reason I mention this is because all of us have a wounded child within us.
These wounds come from either being abandoned physically or emotionally as a child, or abused mentally, emotionally, or physically as we were growing up. These wounds never really go away, they just get buried deep down inside.
The way these wounds play out in our life is that if we were abandoned as a child, then we’ll be unconsciously looking someone who will never leave us, or will help us to feel like a whole person.
For many people who have this wound, what they think of as love is really just a need to feel physically and/or emotionally loved by another depending on the wound. Typically, this results in them creating relationships that are codependent in nature.
By codependent I mean that there relationships are doomed to be dysfunctional from the get-go because their happiness or unhappiness is dependent upon the other person. These relationships are generally about control and victimization, where one of the partners is more dominant and the other more submissive.
But what they have in common is a lack of love for themselves and therefor an inability to love another unconditionally. These relationship are always toxic and never end well.
On the other side of the coin, those that were more abused as a child tend to put up barriers between them and their loved ones for fear of being hurt. They can be harder to connect with, have a very strong need for space in their relationships, and can’t stand needy people.
Again, this is just a protective mechanism to prevent being hurt. But the price is that neither love, nor happiness can happen while the mental and emotional walls remain in place and their heart stays closed to real love.
The fact is that two wounded people who come together to try and heal their wounds together without doing any work on themselves first – is a recipe for disaster!
Taking The High Road To Healthy Relationships.
What then is the answer to these dysfunctional relationship models and the dilemma your wounded inner child presents?
The answer is you need to learn to love yourself. You can only ever really love another if you have first learned to love and accept yourself as you are – the good bits, the bad bits and the ugly bits (or those bits you judge the most about yourself).
A relationship that is filled with love and joy, adventure and fun, intimacy and respect, does not happen by accident. It happens when two people who are happy and fulfilled within themselves, come together to co-create an even bigger and brighter world to enjoy.
Learning to love and accept yourself is easy. Stop judging yourself and instead start living your true potential for greatness. We all have a purpose in being here on the planet and if you are not living it, then do whatever it takes to start living it now.
At least then when you come together with someone you will be filled with passion and excitement, rather than dragging yourself through each day likes it’s all too much effort. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and live as authentically as you can – this will make your heart sing which in turn will become the song of your life.
To really open up your heart and life to higher levels of love and joy do your best to give kindness and compassion wherever you go… And above all bring peace and joy to everyone you meet, whether you have only just met or known them for 50 years. Then watch as all your relationships become a celebration of life.